leader

I like it when people tell me what to do.

I operate well when I have reasonable, clear, structured expectations. I finish projects when I am given a deadline. I color beautifully inside the lines. I'm not so good at drawing the lines myself.

School is made for people like me. Real life isn't.

I was recently put in charge of a clinic Partners helps manage in Lay Tong Ku, middle of the jungle, Thailand. Lay Tong Ku village has a fascinating story - centuries of prophetic legend, the arrival of the Gospel 50 years ago, ongoing staunch traditions, an actively growing church. The local church, in cooperation with Partners and FBR, has set up a respectable little clinic. It's a work in progress. My job is to make sure that progress continues.

I have now made two visits to LTK clinic.


Visit 1.

"Theramoo (teacher), come now!" I was pulled away from my lesson preparations to see a baby with a fever. The medics were all in class. I had no translator, no clue where supplies were, no medical reference in English - in short, no idea what was going on. Other patients pressed in to see me while I was trying to work out how to deal with the first one. I wanted to take off running into the jungle.


Visit 2.

(Controlled) chaos again, alleviated (and aggravated) by the presence of two other nurses, a dozen medics, translation, medication, and medical reference. My brain began to sluggishly sort through the activity around me. Hemoglobin and malaria tests being used properly - good. No place to wash hands - not good. Medics spontaneously giving disease prevention education to patients - good. No effective patient follow-up - not good.


I confess that I was feeling overwhelmed. What needs to be done? In what order? How? By whom?

Late one night after a busy clinic day, I lay on my sleeping mat in the medic dorm. Everyone else was asleep, though I could hear someone's phone softly playing Karen pop music in the next room. I stared up at the mosquito net, reveling in the coolness of the dark and sending prayers up through the purple mesh.

"Lord, I don't think I'm cut out for this. I can follow trails, but I don't know how to blaze them. I'm supposed to be the leader here, but I need someone to follow."

And then, immediately, inaudible but clear, I heard these words: "I will be your leader." Simultaneously, I felt as though my head had been touched, and a gentle shock zinged down from that place on my scalp to the toes on my right foot.

My eyes and my heart were suddenly full. God as leader. I hadn't really thought of him that way before. He wasn't just behind me, launching me forward; he was in front of me, promising to show me what to do. What a relief and comfort that knowledge was to me! He knows what I need. He IS what I need.

"Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long." (Psalm 25:5)